At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
