You're completely useless in the revolution.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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