Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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