I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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