Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
