you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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