I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Randomize
