zippers are such a cool invention
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
