I woke up to her vacumming the grass
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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