i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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