I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
