So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
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I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
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Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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