i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
