His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
