Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
