Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I'm having to shit out rocks
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