you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
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