cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!