I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.