Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I need to sanitize my soul.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
