WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere