Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.