butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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