His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
