At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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