I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
