i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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