apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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