Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
