So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
