winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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