none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
