Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
