What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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