We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
