I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
