i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
The Olympian is in my bed
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
