he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
