is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I deserve this hangover.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
