I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Houston, we have a squirter
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
