remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
