____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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