and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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