he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I love you. Go after that dick
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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