i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
