Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
