a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
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there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
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Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I just gargled with NyQuil
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