How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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