Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I look better un-naked...
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
