My liver just broke up with me...
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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