Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
