No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
We need to get me chipped asap
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
