Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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