i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
