I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
