Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
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Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
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I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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