I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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