bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
They have beer where we have blood.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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