Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
