I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
