All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Randomize