I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
The adults are the big ones right?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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