god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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