oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
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She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
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Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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