"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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