i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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