Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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