that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
