i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
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Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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