My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
