Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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