she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
