5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Randomize
