woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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