i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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