so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
In America we eat man semen.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
His hands were made for my vagina.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
