Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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