Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
