They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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